book 6

Enter Launcelot

Launcelot and Lionel

After Rome Sir Launcelot du Lak was quickly recognised as a great knight (especially by Queen Guenever who fancied him something rotten) and went adventuring with his nephew Sir Lionel.

Whilst Launcelot was sleeping Sir Turquine appeared and carried Lionel off and threw him naked in his dungeon with rest of his collection of naked knights. Launcelot's brother Sir Ector de Maris tracked Lionel down but ended up the same way.

A Fate Worse Than Death

Meanwhile the sleeping Launcelot himself was enchanted and kidnapped by the four queens:

Morgan le Fay of the land of Gore
of Northgalis
of Eastland, and
of the Outer Isles

... and taken to Castle Chariot for sex.

Fortunately he was rescued by the daughter of King Bagdemagus who took him out through the twelve locks in return for promising to fight for her dad against the King of Northgalis at the next tourney. On his way he crashed in a handy pavillion but whilst sleeping was mistaken by Lord Belleus for his lady and snogged. After that was cleared up and Belleus' wounds staunched he carried on to meet Bagdemagus and his daughter at their abbey, and promised to fight on Tuesday.

Hack, Kill, Maim Slay

At the tourney Launcelot injured scores of Northgalis' men (including Sir Mordred (who had obviously concluded his years lost in the care of a good man and somehow been returned to court) and two other of Arthur's knights who just happened to be there for the craic) and killed a few, winning the day for Bagdemagus.

After a thank-you party he then set off in search of Lionel.

Launcelot vs Turquine

In search of his nephew he met a damosel who, in return for a promise of help against a rapist knight called Sir Peris de Forest Savage who was pestering her and her fellow damosels, pointed out Sir Turquine, already busy carrying off the recently vanquished Sir Gaheris.

After a long bloody dual with conversation (during which he discovered he had already killed Turquine's brother) Launcelot triumphed, and sent the eternally grateful Gaheris to free Ector, Lionel and the other captive knights while he kept his promise to the damosel.

Launcelot's Larks

Using the damosel as bait Launcelot soon had the rapist around his sword, and after chatting with the damosel about his batchelorhood they parted.

Then he killed two evil giants that had imprisoned sixty women in Tintagil Castle for seven years.

One night he heard a commotion outside his remote lodging, and investigating he rescued Sir Kay from three other knights, then the next morning he quietly snuck off in Kay's kit.

From Bastard Manor to Chapel Perilous

Using the disguise to pick fights with a few Round Table knights on the way he eventually was lead by a bloody black dog to the ancient, crumbling manor of Sir Gilbert the Bastard, recently slain by the Round Table Knight Sir Meliot de Logres. Upon leaving he accepted a mission from the injured Logres' sister to enter The Chapel Perilous and retrieve a sword and a bloody cloth that would magically heal her brother's wounds, according to the sorceress Hellawes who lived next door in the Castle Nigramous.

After successfully intimidating his way into the chapel past thirty black knights he found a bloody cloth wrapped around the cooling remains of Sir Gilbert, and braving earth-tremors he grabbed a likely-looking sword too.

Upon exit he was accosted by Hellawes herself, who made the astonishing admission that she had already had Gawaine (who had hacked off Gilbert's left hand in an earlier fracas), but really fancied Launcelot so much she wanted him mounted (in the taxidermalogical sense). When he kept it in his pants she died of frustration a fortnight later, and Launcelot returned with the damosel to heal Sir Meliot, before returning to his wanderings.

More Wanderings

One day he narrowly escaped murder by trickery after taking off his armour to climb a tree at the request of the wife of Sir Phelot, a knight of the King of Northgalis, to retrieve her husband's hawk.

Then he failed to stop Sir Pedivere beheading his own wife on suspicion of shagging her cousin before returning home to boast modestly.

Retreat to book 5

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