book 11

The Further Adventures of Launcelot and his Kin

The Begetting of Galahad

One Whitsunday a hermit predicted that the same year that The One (as-yet-unborn) sat in The Siege Perilous he should also achieve The Sangreal, and after the feast Sir Launcelot went riding off past the point of Corbin, unwittingly to sire The One in question.

He soon rescued a naked lady from a scalding curse put on her by Morgan le Fey and the Queen of Northgalis for being too beautiful, and giving thanks at the nearest church the locals also mentioned a tomb there bearing in letters of gold the words:

"Here shall come a leopard of King's blood, and he shall slay this serpent, and this leopard shall engender a lion in this foreign country, the like of which shall pass all other knights."

After releasing and eventually slaying the dragon within he met Pelles, "king of the foreign country" and "cousin" of Joseph of Aramathie (and presumably somehow related to King Pellam, another cousin of Aramathie Joe), and went home with him to Castle Corbin (AKA Castle Adventurous). There he met Pelles' daughter Elaine, whom Pelles secretly wanted him to impregnate to bring about Sir Galahad the Good Knight who would bring "the foreign country" (Palestine perhaps ?) out of danger and achieve the Sangreal.

He also showed Launcelot his Sangreal, a gold vessel carried by a maiden, and said enigmatically "When this thing goeth about, the Round Table shall be broken".

Pelles' enchantress Dame Brisen meanwhile had a ring stolen from Queen Guenever and used it to summon Launcelot to the nearby Castle of Case for a quick spot of adultery, where he was slipped an aphrodisiac Max Strength and shown Elaine, by now magically transformed into the image of Guenever.

After a hard night's shag he awoke feeling used and confused and rode off in a huff, and Elaine returned to Castle Corbin to give birth to Galahad nine months later.

Sir Bors and the Castle Adventurous

Sir Launcelot never visited Elaine or his young son, but one day his nephew Sir Bors de Ganis (who was almost a virgin except for one shag with King Brangore's daughter) visited Castle Corbin, and was treated to free grub courtesy of the Sangreal, and a free prophesy courtesy of the mysterious vanishing maiden who came with it, that Galahad should sit in the Siege Perilous and achieve the Sangreal.

He stayed that night in the castle looking for adventure, and duly survived being

Then a dragon with Arthur's name written in gold on its forehead came in, followed by a horrible old leopard, and after a scrap the dragon barfed up a hundred baby dragons that ate itself. Then an old man with two adders round his neck came in with his harp and sang about Joseph of Aramthie, and told Sir Bors it was time leave the room.

In the hall he re-appeared with the Spear of Vengeance and told Bors to tell Launcelot he would have achieved the Sangreal himself if he hadn't been sinfully shagging Guenever. Finally he was dazzled poking his nose in a room where four women tended a magic floating silver sword.

After a hearty breakfast he returned to Camelot to tell the whole story, but Arthur was away fighting King Claudas again (his seventh battle) and Guenever was still furious at Launcelot for having a relationship outside of their adultery.

The Rape of Sir Launcelot

On his return Arthur threw an humongous party to celebrate thrashing the French again, and Elaine turned up dressed to kill and hoping for more hot, pumping Launcelot action. Guenever responded by billeting Elaine in the room next to hers, where she could keep an eye on her (even though Launcelot had not seen her since the conception, at least ten years ago). Launcelot avoided her all day in embarassment, but that night Dame Brisen cast another illusion and once again Launcelot found himself mistakenly shagging a randy princess instead of a frustrated old queen.

Guenever knew something was amiss around 4 a.m. when she heard her own name being grunted through the wall from the next room, and dashing in suprised Launcelot and Elaine on the short strokes.

There followed a TERRIBLE scene which Launcelot dealt with by going insane ("was wild wood as ever was man") and jumped bollock-naked out of the window.

The Search for Launcelot

As far as the rest of the court knew, Launcelot had mysteriously vanished without trace (or his clothes) and many Round Table knights took up the search for the missing palladin. Sir Percivale abandoned his brother Aglovale to search alone, and casually picking a joust with an errant knight became locked in a stupid fight to the death with Launcelot's brother Sir Ector de Maris. Recognising each other too late, both would have died of their wounds if the Sangreal itself had not manifested and healed them with magic.

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